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I'm Getting Married!

...And that's where I've been. The last six months have been hectic because of it. However, you can look forward to an article that mentions my marriage in July's edition of Apex. Keep your eyes peeled!

Although this isn't a wedding blog, and although I try to take a light touch with mentioning personal things, I wanted to take some time to talk about what I'm putting together and how it's happening. Because my wife-to-be is in a sensitive field, I will keep photos of her out of this post.

Some of you may have read "The Underlighters" or "The Loved, The Lost, The Dreaming," which features an alternate ending for the storyline of the same book. A central feature of that tale is the triad romance between Janelle, Una, and Nathu. Polyamory, the practice (and orientation) of having multiple romantic or significant relationships, is also going to be a theme that I explore in all of my series in other ways. When I wrote that book nearly a decade ago, I didn't expect that I'd find myself in a similar relationship some day, but to my great joy and surprise, that's the case.

Who, what, when?

My long-time male partner Andrey (aka Disarcade) has been mentioned a few times. Some years ago, when we moved from Calgary to Lethbridge, we made a friend, whom I'll call Starling. Our friendship continued through Dungeons and Dragons and art, and when the pandemic hit, we were close enough that we decided to share a small bubble, with a couple of other people.

The pandemic meant that we spent a lot of time together, and only grew closer. There was a personal incident with my family that she was very supportive through, and that was an immense help. As the dream of home ownership was offered to us and then snatched away, talking to her made us all realise how well our life plans dovetailed.

Between the time and the converging goals, love had rich soil, and sent down its roots. It's been an exhilarating, sometimes challenging ride, but I couldn't be happier that in January, when I asked her to be my wife, and marry us both, she said yes.

But marriage is between two people, isn't it?

Although plural marriages are not legally recognized - mostly due to the stigma surrounding polygamous marriages, which are different and often based in oppressive religious structures - we're having a handfasting ceremony to recognize our connection to each other.

The blog More Than Two has some great resources and information about what polyamory is and how it works, but for those not acquainted, it's a type of non-normative relationship structure that can take many forms - including non-monogamy, relationship anarchy, and many other shapes. In our triad, all of us have relationships with each other and together, but that's not the only way to love, either. It's also not the same as swinging, which is generally about sexual interactions, but not emotional ones.

Although polyamory is seen as non-normative (and is not just a lifestyle, but is an orientation which is discriminated against, meaning that it's on the LGBTQ+ spectrum), polyplatonic relationships are very normal - most people have more than a single friend or even best friend. Anyone wondering "how that works" on a basic level should consider how they can feel affection for multiple family members or friends. It's a good reference point for the similarities. And just as caring about one friend usually doesn't reduce your affection for another - unless there's a problem in the other relationship - loving two or more people doesn't mean loving each person any less.

What comes next?

I might diverge from my usual pop culture, politics, and writing technique content to mention some of the creative stuff; let me know if you readers would be interested in an article about how we put together an unusual outdoor summer wedding for under $5000.

We've been DIYing up a storm - and if I was cleverer, I'd have posted a bunch of tutorials and progress shots on here - but preparations are almost ready. I've had a very messy release schedule for a long time now, but my mental health has been improving, and I'd like to put out more articles. I'm hoping to get some more published articles out as well, with places like Apex and even possibly other magazines.

But for the next couple of days, until the solstice and the ceremony, my biggest focus is going to be on finishing up some final details, making food for guests, and cleaning the apartment! You would not believe the amount of glitter my fiancée produces. Seriously, there's so much glitter stuck in the carpet, on the couch, the dresses...

Oh, and book 5 is still coming along, too. I have an author event at Analog Books on August 30th here in Lethbridge, AB, so if you're a local, come out and see me that night! I'll have copies of the books mentioned here, and will be reading excerpts from those and my upcoming work, the fifth book in the Meaning Wars saga, the grand finale. When that's done, an omnibus paperback edition will be released, containing the whole series.

Yeah, that's a lot. It's ambitious. But if my girlfriend, and soon-to-be wife, has taught me anything, it's that it's worth living life adventurously.

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